Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
