I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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