I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
