Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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