sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
