first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
well you can't waste a boner
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
this is an emotional support booty call
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
