so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
