Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
