u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
