ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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