whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
