I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
