If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
