You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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