This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
