if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize