He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
