Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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