There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
