so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
