I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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