Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
