Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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