So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize