I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
