you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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