used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
