Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
