Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
