I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize