Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
