i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize