i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
