ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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