about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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