Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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