I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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