so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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