He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
