he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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