A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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