If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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