Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
