It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
