Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
