oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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