I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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