Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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