I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Your penis caused this!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
