I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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