We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
