Can i not drive my cunt home
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
