I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Will exercising make me less horny?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
