# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
