I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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