he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So apparently I’m into choking now
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
