I need help removing her.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
