is your mom at the bar?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
