oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
