i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize