You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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