cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
my god I love twenty year old dicks
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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