i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
