textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
