If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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