I wish I could punch you in the face.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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