Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
