Is it normal to miss your booty call?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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