She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I wish i was in the wii world.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
