we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My liver just had a heart attack.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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