Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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