You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
