Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
