i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You're a waste of cheezeits
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
