how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm just crazy horny about you
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
