WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
