She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
