Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize