mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
