genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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