Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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