Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
