1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
