Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
