I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
