You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
