I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize