he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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