one two three fourrrrnication!
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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